Relationship Coaching

Relationship coaching is your opportunity to make the changes you wish to see in your relationship.

Having worked closely with thousands of couples for over 15 years, Tom Philp has created a predictable, proven method for helping couples transform from an insecure to a secure relationship.

The Relationship Equation Method

Most couples want a secure connection, but what gets in the way? Couples can only connect through their vulnerability, but unresolved hurts and traumas elicit protective strategies that blocks the couple from getting the close connection they desire. This method can be represented in the following equation:  

V = SC - PS

V is for Vulnerability         

SC is for Secure Connection             

PS is for Protective Strategies

All couples relate to one another in one of these three areas. When vulnerabilities are triggered that hold the pain of past traumas and unresolved hurts, partners automatically move into their protective strategies, which eliminate the possibility of a secure connection. Their protective strategies is how they learned to keep themselves safe and adapt to an environment that was not meeting their attachment needs. We are made for protection as much as we are made for connection. The problem though, is that people come to rely on their protective strategies over and over, so that they never learn new coping strategies that create more flexibility in their interactions. 

Letting go of one’s protective strategies involves relearning to experience safety within oneself and between partners. Working within and between is how our coaches help the couple achieve their goals.

Our method consists of supporting couples in and outside of coaching. We know couples need some quick wins to sustain their motivation for change. Our method is designed to provide couples with immediate actions that can help them relieve the hurt and pain they are experiencing and set them on a path towards healing and connection.

After 15 years of working at the deepest levels with couples, I have noticed most couples tend to change in 3 distinct phases.

The first phase consists of learning the automatic protective responses that create disconnection and miscommunication. These are the areas where triggers create negative patterns that come to dominate the relationship. Resolution in this phase means the couple can see and anticipate the causes of ruptures and actively deescalate the cycles that breakdown communication. 

The second phase is understanding the individual traumas, pain points, and unresolved hurts that prevent them from getting their attachment needs met. Resolution in this area means each partner is able to communicate their needs in a way that increases the chances of the partner showing up for them. 

The third phase is to instill positive changes so that the couples learns to embrace the joy and positive feelings of being loved and cared for by their partner. 

The benefits of relationship coaching include:

• Improve communication within your relationship.
• Increase awareness of limiting attitudes or beliefs.
• Identify negative interpersonal patterns that keep the couple stuck
• Deepen understanding of unresolved traumas and how they impact the relationship.
• Restructure maladaptive coping with healthy coping skills.
• Become more reflective of your own behavior in the relationship. 
• Attain specific, concrete goals that align with the healing and growth of the couple.
• Deepen intimacy.
• Support experiential learning. 

What Is Our Process?

1. We see our couple’s together the first time we meet with them. Prior to the first meeting, the couple receives a welcome packet that includes an assessment for each partner. This quickly helps them gain valuable insight into what is causing a breakdown in communication and connection.
2. Next, we have an individual session with each partner. This provides the ability to understand their relational history as well as each person’s expectations for the relationship and goals for therapy.
3. After the first session couples will receive a video that reinforces the concepts they are learning in therapy. Couple will get a new video after every session for the first 5 sessions. 

In addition to the above process and benefits, there are multiple worksheets, assessments, and goals setting sheets to help support the couple between sessions. 

Disclaimer:

Relationship coaching views the couple as its client. It does not consist of a diagnosis, nor does it address any type of mental disorder.